Light Verse and How to Write It

Light verse, or comic verse, is often considered the poor relation of 'real' poetry, yet it has a long and honourable pedigree of its own, with some great writers having contributed to the genre. To name a few: Chaucer, Shakespeare, Burns, Carroll, Stevenson, Chesterton, Kipling, Belloc, Gilbert, Masefield, Betjamin, Burgess (yes Anthony himself), Vickram Seth, TS Eliot, Smith (Stevie), Wendy Cope - almost everyone in fact, except the grimmest of the grim, John Milton. (And I bet even he had a parody or two tucked under the four-poster).

With luminaries such as these among the ranks, no-one need feel embarrassed about writing light verse. Yet many do. So much so that their entire public output is 'serious'; they suppress their lighter side in the delusion that they have (or are building) a reputation as 'real poets' that would come tumbling down if they so much as cracked a smile. Guys - if it's that fragile, let it fall! I have suffered endless readings of pretentious drivel purporting to be poetry. Yes, and I'm not afraid to admit to having inflicted my own share of torture on long-suffering audiences on more than a few occasions. Now that is a justified cause for embarrassment.

But no more. Not since reading a profound observation that might have been by WB Yeats but might not. He, whoever he was, said - one, or perhaps two, genuine poetic insights per year are as much as any poet can hope for. The rest is technique.

If this is true (and it is!) we'd do well to realise that if we're not going to wow our audiences with two hours of profundity, we might as well entertain them with a little variety and even, horror of horrors, a touch of humour.

His hands are tied behind his back,

his ankles bound with chains,

his bed an old potato sack.

Don't ask about the drains.

The window, small and high and barred.

He drags his carcass to it

and in a voice more cracked than hard

croaks raw defiance through it -

We wis never meant tae be

slaves o' mercat traders.

Chuck the beggars in the sea

wearin' concrete waders.

Tighten the knots behind his back!

Another ball and chain!

Stop his mouth with wads of sack

and let him shout in vain!

No hope of rescue or escape,

but the walls are rank with grime

so with his nose he starts to scrape

his words a second time -

We wis never meant tae be . . . &c

Punish him! Test him on the rack!

Break his wild spirit down!

Trussed like a turkey in a sack,

parade him through the town!

How can he bring his friends good cheer

who proudly line the road,

if gagged and crippled? Loud and clear

he pharts in brave morse code -

We wis never meant tae be . . . &c

.-- . / .-- .. ... / -. . ...- . .-. / -- . .- -. - / - .- . / -... .

'Light' refers to the treatment of the subject, not to the subject itself. Typically, light verse uses rhythm and rhyme, and is often very inventive in its handling of both. And it plays with language, and the music of language. Good light verse should be enjoyable, even in a language you don't understand, for its sheer exuberance. It is mouth music. It lives fleetingly in the mouth, in the air, in the ear. When it rests on the pages of a book, it is simply awaiting its next outing, it's next chance to fly.

So when writing it, speak it aloud. Rhythm is something you feel and hear, not something you see. Still less is it something you need to intellectualise. For light verse, forget anything you might ever have learned in school about 'feet' (iambs, trochees, anapests, &c). Let the pulse drive the rhythm and let the message pick the words - (Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves - Lewis Carroll). Natural flow is everything. Anything that feels turgid or lumpy probably is. Don't try to like it - change it! 

(If not sure of the difference between pulse and rhythm, check out my Limericks hub. In fact, check it out anyway - limericks are a good place to start).

Georgie said to Tony -

What shall we do?

Tony said to Georgie -

I'll follow you.

Georgie said to Tony -

Let's coalesce.

Tony said to Georgie -

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Georgie said to Tony -

Now we're on a Mission

We'll make God join our

Holy Coalition.

Georgie, God and Tony,

Happy as can be.

Tony, God and Georgie,

Blessed Trinity.

<< - shock & awe - >>

Georgie said to Tony -

That didn't take long.

Tony said to Georgie -

It's all going wrong.

Georgie said to Tony -

Things look grim

But we've done our bit

Now it's down to Him.

The Devil took his mask off -

The things I have to do,

Dressing up as Daddy-O

To catch the likes of you.

Tony said to Georgie -

Let's run and hide.

The Devil said - You're mine, pals,

For the sin of Pride.

Half the fun of light verse is the freedom to write about anything you like. Because it's not trying to be Poetry, it usually avoids the self-consciousness of the 'not-quite-there' poem. And as poetry is very high risk writing, if we're honest, it fails more often than it succeeds. Mostly, that comes down to the Yeats admission (if it was Yeats!) - there just aren't enough poetic insights to go around.

But here's a thought - when the flash of inspiration finally arrives, if you're lucky enough to recognise it, then, if you've been writing light verse in the meantime, you'll have the techniques ready and waiting for your serious work of genius.

Thanks for reading!

There's a place to have a burger and a place to have a pee

and a place to park your carcass in the shade

but there's waves of screaming children farther than the eye can see

and a popcorn puddle everywhere you wade.

There's a hippo made of concrete and another made of wood

and another made of hippo, but alas

she is sulky and aggressive and apparently obsessive-

ly intent on showing you nothing but her ass.

And the rain comes down in gobbets as you queue to have a ride

on a thing designed to leave your guts confused

But it's quicker than colonic irrigation which you tried

when Diana made it chic to be abused.

There's a din (din din) as you kipple to and fro

with a be-a-tific smile upon your lips

not occasioned by enjoyment but the devilish employment

of a plan to put viagra on the chips.