Things I don't do any more
78I've never actively given anything up...
but every now and then I realise that I've not done something for a long time. Such a long time, perhaps, that I can't really say I do it any more, whatever 'it' is. This week, I've had a couple of days off work for Eid al-Adha. Now, extra days off in Doha can be quite long. Especially for one allergic to shopping malls and five star hotels. So, between sessions on the computer and sessions on the guitar, I found myself reminiscing over some of these things I never actively gave up but which just drifted out of my life, somehow. For example:
I don't run marathons any more
In fact, I don't compete in any road races. I used to. For about ten years, between the ages of 35 and 45, I pounded the pavements regularly, training and competing. I'd do about ten events a year, mostly half-marathons and triathlons, with the occasional marathon thrown in for good measure. I wasn't good, of course. My personal goal was always to finish in the top third of the field. If I ever made the top quarter, I felt I'd won the race! My last competitive run was the Snowdonia Marathon, a pretty tough one with several serious climbs. And then, I didn't do any more. No particular reason. I continued to tell people that road racing was one of my hobbies, until I realised it wasn't.
I still run from time to time, but for the most part, I've replaced that aspect of my life with walking. I reckon it's better for 59 year-old knees. And certainly in the extreme climate of Qatar, walking is exercise enough, and more than most of the locals attempt. OK, what else don't I do?
I don't play sax any more
except possibly to blast out Auld Lang Syne on Hogmanay. And this mainly comes down to dentition. Unless you're Jimi Hendrix, you don't need your teeth to play guitar, but you do to play sax. In particular, you need your four lower incisors, the very four that I lost through a gum disease, about ten years ago. Their replacements are cosmetic more than functional, and not up to the job of supporting the lower lip through extended passages in the upper register. So, the sax had to go the way of the road racing.
In fact, it's no great loss. I really only took up sax when a folk-rock band I was part of morphed into something much heavier and my flute wasn't really hacking it. I'm still well able to play flute, and as mentioned above, my guitars are my constant travelling companions, so my music is alive and well, if saxless.
And I've stopped growing hair!
Rather like the saxophone, this one wasn't from choice. It wasn't even that short hair is more sensible in hot countries. It's just that there's less of it growing up there than there used to be. Pity. I'm of the generation that reinvented long hair in the sixties and seventies. It was more than a fashion statement. It had a lot to do with peace and harmony, just as the skinhead look was all about aggression and militancy. In the forty odd years since Woodstock, I've never really wavered from the idea that we can and should work for a fairer and more peaceful world. All that has changed is that I can no longer grow the 'uniform'.
Then there's poetry
Until five years ago, I was quite well established in the poetry scene, regularly reading in my home town and in London, contributing and moderating a number of on-line forums, and with a fair published portfolio under my belt. The day the music died was when our son was killed in a motorcycle accident. When such tragedies happen, we recover as best we can. Family, friends, poetry, music and work combined to bring me through the worst times.
Poetry itself remained important, but the poetry scene I dropped like a hot potato. I had to. People meant well, but I was being watched. Almost everyone was expecting a tragic magnum opus from me. Well, tough. I'm not Alfred Lord Tennyson (who wrote In Memoriam for his deceased brother). My 'art', such as it was, was inadequate to express such depth of feeling. I wrote a prose obituary and abandoned poetry for a couple of years. I found, though, that I was happy writing prose, and HubPages proved a perfect vehicle for (much of) what I wanted to say.
Well, I'm back to writing poetry again, but rather like the road racing, I have no interest in re-entering the world of competitions and submissions for publication. I have nothing to prove.
Thank you for reading.
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Can really relate to this, there are so many things I did when I was younger and passionate about, I didn't think the day would come that I would stop doing them, but as you get older you abilities change and so do your passions. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
Saxaphone is a cool instrument but you need a band, you also (as you've pointed out) need functioning teeth.
I think the marathons are allowed to be replaced by walking in searing heat, especially after the age of about 55. As to the hair.. you always have the option to grow a huge mamma of a beard.
I'm afraid I don't know enough about poetry other than it's another type of creative vehicle (of which you're rather good) It seems a funny area to be competitive with, perhaps like art.
The grief doesn't play by music or poetry, literature or art. It's a different creature to anything you may have thought you knew.
I have no voice this morning (bad case of silent-musitis) and so am reading my favorite authors. I write music, and find that it "goes away for a while" at certain times of loss or grieving. It come back eventually, but differently.
I am, as always, in awe of the simplicity and utter depth of your words. I breath them in with humility and gratitude for your sharing.
Things do drift out of our lives. Sometimes good things, sometimes bad ones. Occasionally, things drift into our lives. I hope good things will drift into yours.
Pity about the sex, ooops sorry sax! It's happening to us all, no worries!
Interesting, thanks for sharing. I no longer play trombone, and I quit running decades ago, but I still let my freak flag fly. I guess I feel like I owe it to someone...
Thankfully all the things I quit doing from my youth are things that deserved quitting!
Good honest hub, thank you.
John
Snakeslane - thank you for being such a regular reader and commentator. Yes, any attempt to encapsulate grief in a poem would trivialise it, unless you are a Tennyson, of course.
Carcro - what matters, I think, is to accept the changes in a positive light. Walking is good in itself; it is not just a failure to run!
Talisker - the beard too has changed. I used to have a red beard (even though my hair is dark, there's red hair in the family) but now it would have to be grey! The poetry world is very competitive, unfortunately.
Elle - absolutely. Music, poetry, all the arts change through time. If they don't, they are simple crafts. By the way, I envy your draftmanship. I bet most people think that cat in you avatar is a photograph. Have you seen Lesley Anne Ivory's work?
Austinstar - thank you :) Many good things pass through my life. I have no complaints at all (at least not since the bed bugs incident!)
Gypsy Willow - let's not go there ;) Thanks for the read.
Joyus - I umderstand that feeling very well. It's a tribute to older influences.
John - I think we all indulged a bit too much in youth. It's necessary to aboid growing up with a feeling of having missed out. Thanks for the visit, always welcome :)
Having the time and the health to follow your bliss is one of life's greatest rewards. It sounds to me you are a rich man.
Q.
Good morning Q - I have no complaints with the hand I've been dealt! Thanks for the visit :)
Thank you so much for a brief look inside your soul, Paraglider. What a lovely read this was and how I do identify with the changes time brings and the way life hurts and changes us. What I love the most is the picture at the end, with the rainbow. It kinds of says it all. Thanks for sharing, Paraglider, and I am so happy to know you. Peace and justice will never go out of fashion.
Paraglider your words always I mean always move and inspire me
Thank you for that
The rainbow photo is beautiful...
Thank you for sharing 'you'
Lovely piece of writing. Thank you.
Hi Robie - thank you for these words. The picture would have been even better if I'd taken it one minute earlier. The intensity of the rainbow against the slate sky was unbelievable, but by the time I'd got the camera ready it was already fading. A minute later, it was gone!
Kimberley, thank you for telling me. It matters :)
And Movie Master, thanks also.
Paraglider,
I loved this! The various chapters in our lives I find fascinating and your ending was awesome. The inside look into why and why not is what makes people unique. Unlike you I consciously give things up. I realize I MUST move on. I am an attachment person and change I know is hard for me.
A rainbow was given to human kind as a reminder that the great flood will never again happen. To me it is also a reminder that our world is fragile and other things happen and yet we all grow in different ways.
A rainbow appear the day I had to give my Golden Retrievers up. I had many great sorrows in my life - my Mother passing, my Grandparents, the great loss of my husband and a few broken relationships and the crescendo in my life was my constant companions, the loss of Dusty and Gordie.
We change chapters and we grow.
Oh, I loved this - thank you so much for sharing.
So moving! I can definitely relate, lots of things get abandoned in the flow of life. Like the tide coming back in poetry has returned to my life too.
GmaGoldie - On quite a few occasions, I've relocated for work, which is of course a forced giving up of whatever has become the norm in the place I'm leaving. Generally, I enjoy change almost for its own sake.
I agree that rainbows can be very symbolic. Thanks for the read :)
Jerilee - I suppose we have to give some things up, if only to make time for new things. We are built for change, I think.
I was fit from age 15 till around 45 and the rest of my life caught up to me. I to was a runner, in fact I have a Hub in my archive about running and training for the 26 mile marathon. I only got interested in running after being in kick boxing for 5 years and sustaining a knee injury.
A couple of my Irish friends got me interested in running to rehab my knee and addiction overcame my good sense. Now reaching my senior years I am more into walking, less running. Poetry found me and my Muse has been teasing me ever since. Nice to read that you also have found yours again. Good luck with your writings and hopefully we will see some of your Poetry popping up here.
Thanks saddlerider. I started running mainly as fitness training for my other sports, especially badminton, but in time the running became an end in itself. I think it is still paying dividends in that I entered my fifties with a lot more stamina than many who'd never exercised at all.
Paraglider,
It is quite an interesting thing as we age, we kind of still see ourselves as we were, not so much as we are. I find myself telling people I do things that I haven't done in many years. I think a current assesment of who we are is very important. We grow so much that to not acknowledge that is to place a limit on our potential. Thank you.
TMG
This hub is a perfect example of why I can't help but stare in disbelief (or laugh!) when someone I haven't seen or talked to in years says "You haven't changed a bit". Well, of course I have. We all do over time. Some changes like less hair in some places (and more in others) are simply more obvious, whereas lifestyle changes like giving up running and playing the sax will not be.
Great photo even if you didn't get the "better" one! ;D
Are you still having sex at least once a day? :-)
I once tried to play soprano sax, which was unfortunate because in the early sixties there was a puppet character on TV called Zoonie, which reminded the rest of the band of my sax playing. My efforts almost got me an embarrassing new nickname. That had something to do with me not doing that anymore. My attempts at poetry and running up hills haven't been much better. But as long as I don't give up trying things completely... Others might think differently. You never know, one day I might find something I’m good at.
Sorry about your son BTW, with that sort of thing we’re entitled to follow instinct.
Walking is always the best sport Paraglider. It gives you time to look around and it doesn't involve competition. So sorry to hear about your son, but thank you for your simple honesty.
TMG - been a long time :) You're right. Our self image may very easily differ from reality. It is important to take stock every so often.
JamaGenee - absolutely. We all change, and it is best to accept it and not hang on to a personal myth about who we really are. Thanks for the visit :)
Ralph, as I said to Gypsy Willow, let's not go there :)
Amillar - I started on tenor, a very old military band instrument then moved on to alto. Soprano is quite hard to keep in tune. Do you ever blow the dust off it, or is it consigned to oblivion?
Chris, yes. Walking is the best, especially in cities where there's always something to explore and maybe photograph. Not so easy if you're out for a run!
Oblivion is about right Paraglider. I was never much good with acoustic instruments. A lack of talent or tenacity - or both.
I never got along with keyboards or brass, but woodwind and strings seemed to come more naturally.
I just recently started to notice that I have stopped doing a lot of the things I used to. Glad to see I am not alone! Really enjoyed this - voted up!
Thanks Wooded - I think some things we outgrow and some we need to put aside to make space for the new. Thanks for the visit :)
I like your "hairy" pic, the first one I've seen of the real you. I've been a fan for a while, tho I'm pretty sure you've taken no notice of me. I respect your writing enough to follow without reciprocity. I suspect you have many such fans. This article provides a nice portrait of you.
Thank you, i scribble. I'll happily reciprocate by reading some of your hubs today. You can be sure there was no active element to any such omission before.
Nice! You might like my hub about smoking-bans, and how people should have the freedom to make that decision themselves (if you are interested in rational philosophy).
Hi Chris - I'll take a look. Generally speaking, protecting people from themselves is better tackled by education than by bans. However protecting people from others can be legitimate, e.g. enforcing speed limits in built up areas.
What an interesting theme for a hub. I guess we all have activities in our lives that we eventually fall away from. I, for instance, used to lift weights a few times a week, but after an injury put pay to that for a couple of months, I found it was something I never really managed to get back into. The enthusiasm for it was just no longer there and I started concentrating on cardio instead.
Hi Paraglider! I too misread the word "sax" like GypsyWillow did! But unlike her I have a dirty mind and I am not gonna let go! But ... let's not go there!
Well I stopped going forward some twenty five years ago and only time flies past me! I still have friends who play the same pranks they did forty years ago and style their humor as well in that fashion.
We don't let go!
Another very interesting article from you. Thanks for writing it, and cheers to you!
icountthetimes - sometimes an accident or event can bring about a change in what we do, but other times the process seems more casual. Thanks for the read.
Hi Quicksand - and tell the same jokes, probably? If you have a good memory you can sometimes trot out the odd joke that a younger generation hasn't heard!
Time is a strange thing. It seems that we should all be born old and get younger as we move through this mysterious force called 'time'. That way we would be young and healthy and full of energy as well as wisdom. O that it could be true!
Mia Montanna - if you can find a way to bring that to pass, please drop me a line, ok? Thanks for the read.
A competitive spirit is more important when we're younger, I think. The fact that you've settled into who you are and no longer need it to "prove" anything...well, that says a lot about your character.
Although you've given up a few things, I suspect that your return to poetry is going to open up new areas of creativity you might not have even thought about before. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Well, Paraglider, sounds like you've come full circle. Glad that you're back to writing poetry in a non-competitive format. Just remember that you are writing to please yourself and no one else, so let the inner critic take a nap. I'm looking forward to reading anything that you've written. I'll take a look right when I'm done writing this!
ExoticHippieQueen - I may start off and draft a poem to please myself, but I will always review and edit it to make it work for an audience. It's a form of communication, after all, so it's good to meet people half way. Thanks for the visit :)
Seedplanter - I agree that competitiveness is more natural to a younger person. In fact, in older people competitiveness can lead to frustration and discontent, especially as natural powers start to wane. Thanks for commenting.
The older you get the more likely you are to lose, hence the lack of interest in competition. Even growing hair was a competition for me once: the longer the better. It was also to distinguish myself from the skinheads, whose own hair was also a competition: the shorter the better. Ah life!
Yes, although in road racing every time you cross a significant age, like 40 or 50, you are classed differently, e.g. veteran, super veteran, so you can remain competitive in your class (if you want to!)
"to distinguish myself from the skinheads" - absolutely. I was just the same.
it is good to be allowed to 'hear' what others think sometimes...and in your case thanks for sharing. over time some of us do morph into something different than we were at some other time and that is probably a good thing. you writing this here got me thinking...and one thing that kept gnawing at me as i read this...'so glad this was put here...to ponder. one important thing in my life i don't do any more is worry about what others think of what i do.' when was younger, i was so concerned about what people would think about whatever i was doing'...that i probably missed out on living a whole chunk of my life. but as time passed, and many of life's challenges came my way,i lost that fear. one day i just woke up and found, i didn't care any more. i would be me ... how silly it took years to come to that..
a topic that got me thinking more than some do...again, thanks for sharing.
pstraubie - thanks for the visit. I can relate to what you say about suddenly deciding to be yourself and not to worry about what others think. We can waste too many brain cells on that :)
There's no reason to stop running though. I'm sure I've read it's actually good for the joints, as long as you make sure you have trainers that aren't worn out. Every 500Km, they reckon. Half marathon is the most I've run though, so kind of in awe of anyone who does the whole thing.
I do still run. I just don't compete any more. But here in Qatar, for much of the year temperatures are in the high 40s (around 115F) so running isn't really an option. Thanks for the read :)
Interesting read. I think life's all about experiencing different things so you have to give some things up to make room for doing new things. Sometimes this happens naturally and sometimes it's a conscious decision. Sometimes you come back to the things you used to love with a different perspective.
Thanks Lou - that's right. And sometimes the lay-off is necessary as the only way you can change the way you relate to some activity.
I also gave up most of my running about ten years ago. During the last half-marathon I ran, I was passed by an 80-year-old. Maybe that's when I subconsciously decided to stop. BTW, As a newbie, it is always great to stumble across another stack of interesting hubs such as yours.
Thanks Steve - Since writing this hub, I've started playing cricket again, not having played for 15 years. General training running is one thing but chasing down a ball, i.e. sprinting - now, that hurts!
I can relate to this already even though I'm only in my early 20s. As you get older, you definitely do lose the zest for some things. This is mainly due to either stress or just lack of time. Work just takes up so much of our time that we lose the passion for so many of the things that we loved to do.
I too in my 30s, so me too not able to do most of things, I used to do in young age.thnks for this topic.voted up!
Hi Jason - yes, but thinking back to my twenties and even thirties, I hadn't even taken up some of the things that were to be important later. The fact is, we keep changing and our interests change with us.
Maxravi - nah, 30s is still springtime - enjoy it :)
I can relate. I seem to always have the problem to find too many thing too interesting. Thus moving on from one hobby/interest to the other...
style-of-life, at least that's a luxury problem. Imagine if you found nothing interesting!
Terrific idea for a hub. It's a strange journey, this life. I hope you find joy in all the things you currently do, and will do in the future. Best : )
Thanks Leanna, I enjoyed writing this one :)
I am a lot younger than you, but I stopped running because sciatica would make my back act up. Walking is good exercise, and you can burn more calories walking a 12 minute mile than running a 9 minute mile. So I might take longer to get somewhere walking, but I do not mind. I enjoy the scenery.
Yes, running is good but it's not for everybody. Walking is also more practical, as you can more easily stop to look at your surroundings and interact with people.
In older age we have lot of things to do. So, we put so many things on hold that we love to do ..This is really a interesting post..Thanks
htodd - that's right, and 'on hold' feels much nicer than abandoned :)
When I see friends who I used to be with doing the things we did back then, the meet-up is very nostalgic and somehow strange. You see yourselves mature and behave differently but at the end of the day, we'll both laugh at it and enjoy the get-together experience.
Thanks for sharing.
rLcasaLme - yes, when circumstances (e.g. relocation) separate you from friends, you can't track their changes, nor they yours. Then when/if you get back together, it can be very special, catching up. Revisiting the music we shared is specially rewarding, if both are still playing. Thanks for the read :)
You don't run marathons or play the sax or grow hair anymore!? What is this world coming to?
On the other hand, I have started playing cricket again, so the world must still be in decent shape!
I have missed a lot of good hubs in Hubpages and this one is one that I can resonate with. When my sister's 18 year old son suddenly died over 6 years ago, the music changed, my connection to life changed as well, but unlike you, one thing I have done as I have gotten older is grow longer hair when I moved to a more temperate climate in Oregon. :)
BTW, it looks like our friend Tatjana is okay! A friend of hers in Croatia whom I contacted in Facebook was nice enough to reply to my email inquiring about her, and mentioned he had corresponded with her a couple of times earlier today and has asked her to contact me. I like happy endings.
Hi VioletSun, we are 'programmed' to expect to outlive our parents, but a death in the younger generation is much harder to deal with.
That's very good news about Tatjana. Even if she is too busy with her political campaigning to spend time on-line, it's just good to know she's safe. Thanks :)
Very interesting Hub. :)
snakeslane Level 7 Commenter 6 months ago
Evening Paraglider, or whatever time it is now in Doha, really appreciate you sharing so much about yourself. I am such a fan of all the things you do do. You do them so well. I totally hear you on not wanting to be watched in your personal grief (too devastating to comment on here, but I have to say I am so sorry). Having said that I am really happy you are writing poetry again. Can't wait to read what's next. Regards, snakeslane